Ruben's Family
According to Isabelle, their parents met and married in Sonora, Mexico. (Interview May 2012)
Ruben comes from a family of nine children. He was child #4 with two older sisters and one older brother; he was their first boy born in USA.
After moving to and living in the United States for many years, several of the family members Anglicized their names, see the genealogy listings below. Young Pedro became Peter and Pete while his father remained Pedro to his death in 1950. Ruben didn't need to change his since it was the same in both.
They all learned to speak English without a Mexican accent. It was felt that "We live in America, we need to speak, read, and write English to be successful here." Pedro did insist that the children read and continue to speak Spanish. Rose, Ruben's sister, said that even as a young child in San Diego, she noticed at school that there was a difference between the way they, the Tellez kids, spoke and Spanish-speakers from other neighborhood spoke. Those from other neighborhoods spoke with obvious and thick accents. The Tellez kids had grown up in the United States in very culturally-mixed neighborhoods, both in Jerome, AZ, and San Diego, CA. (Interview March 2012)
While they all spoke both Spanish and English, when the siblings had their own children, they did not teach them Spanish. According to Ruben's niece, Pat, Ruben's siblings usually only spoke Spanish in front of their own children when they wanted to say things they didn't want their kids to know. As a result, curious Pat taught herself Spanish and became the unofficial translator between the generations. When the kids were shooed away so the adults could talk, Pat would be sent by the other kids to try to listen at the doors so she could tell them what their parents were gossiping about. (Interview with siblings Alice, Bob, Rose and niece Patricia--March 2012)
The family today still takes great pride in being able to speak English very well with proper grammar and use an excellent vocabulary. While formal education may not have been a priority when the older children were growing up in the 1920s, 1930s, and early 1940s, learning was always very important to the family members. Their mother insisted they speak well and speak up. Their father insisted everyone learn skills to earn a living, although Pedro was far more interested in his sons working than his daughters. The girls were expected to get married. The boys had to learn work skills that would help them throughout their lives.
Ruben comes from a family of nine children. He was child #4 with two older sisters and one older brother; he was their first boy born in USA.
After moving to and living in the United States for many years, several of the family members Anglicized their names, see the genealogy listings below. Young Pedro became Peter and Pete while his father remained Pedro to his death in 1950. Ruben didn't need to change his since it was the same in both.
They all learned to speak English without a Mexican accent. It was felt that "We live in America, we need to speak, read, and write English to be successful here." Pedro did insist that the children read and continue to speak Spanish. Rose, Ruben's sister, said that even as a young child in San Diego, she noticed at school that there was a difference between the way they, the Tellez kids, spoke and Spanish-speakers from other neighborhood spoke. Those from other neighborhoods spoke with obvious and thick accents. The Tellez kids had grown up in the United States in very culturally-mixed neighborhoods, both in Jerome, AZ, and San Diego, CA. (Interview March 2012)
While they all spoke both Spanish and English, when the siblings had their own children, they did not teach them Spanish. According to Ruben's niece, Pat, Ruben's siblings usually only spoke Spanish in front of their own children when they wanted to say things they didn't want their kids to know. As a result, curious Pat taught herself Spanish and became the unofficial translator between the generations. When the kids were shooed away so the adults could talk, Pat would be sent by the other kids to try to listen at the doors so she could tell them what their parents were gossiping about. (Interview with siblings Alice, Bob, Rose and niece Patricia--March 2012)
The family today still takes great pride in being able to speak English very well with proper grammar and use an excellent vocabulary. While formal education may not have been a priority when the older children were growing up in the 1920s, 1930s, and early 1940s, learning was always very important to the family members. Their mother insisted they speak well and speak up. Their father insisted everyone learn skills to earn a living, although Pedro was far more interested in his sons working than his daughters. The girls were expected to get married. The boys had to learn work skills that would help them throughout their lives.
Ruben's Parents
Father: Pedro Tellez Magana 1895-1950; born in Mexico, died in San Diego, CA, USA
According to Mexican naming tradition, the two surnames are listed with the father's first--Tellez and mother's second--Magana
It was his work opportunity that brought the family to the United States of America. He was a good worker and people manager. Pedro was brought to Jerome, AZ, to work in the Little Daisy Claims, United Verde Extension mines. It was difficult and dirty work, but rewarding. Pedro earned a good salary and his family lived in a nice two-story home that Pedro bought for them on Holly Street.
According to Mexican naming tradition, the two surnames are listed with the father's first--Tellez and mother's second--Magana
It was his work opportunity that brought the family to the United States of America. He was a good worker and people manager. Pedro was brought to Jerome, AZ, to work in the Little Daisy Claims, United Verde Extension mines. It was difficult and dirty work, but rewarding. Pedro earned a good salary and his family lived in a nice two-story home that Pedro bought for them on Holly Street.
Mother: Patrocina Ruiz Verdugo 1899-1940; born in Mexico, died in San Diego, CA USA; also known as Patricia or Pat Tellez
Ruben was 15 when his mom died of complications a week after Sylvia's birth in 1940
Buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in San Diego, CA, as is Pedro
Ruben was 15 when his mom died of complications a week after Sylvia's birth in 1940
Buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in San Diego, CA, as is Pedro
Ruben, his Sisters and Brothers, in birth order
Siblings:
1 Maria Alicia
1918-living; born in Sonora, Mexico, living in CA, USA; also known as Alice She
said that there were too many girls named Mary, so she went by her middle name
to be different.
· Alice was born at her maternal grandmother's home in Mexico. Her grandmother was Bersabe Verdugo
· Attended Jerome High School, Jerome, AZ
· The Tellez family left Jerome before Alice could finish high school. She started again in San Diego for a short time, but needed to make money--it was the middle of the Depression.
· She left SDHS before graduating and became a seamstress. She worked as a seamstress until she retired.
· Married Frank Kenniston, two sons: Phil and Robert Paul
· Ruben lived with Alice and Frank for a while before going into the Army.
(Interview March 2012--Alice proudly told me she was 93!)
· Alice was born at her maternal grandmother's home in Mexico. Her grandmother was Bersabe Verdugo
· Attended Jerome High School, Jerome, AZ
· The Tellez family left Jerome before Alice could finish high school. She started again in San Diego for a short time, but needed to make money--it was the middle of the Depression.
· She left SDHS before graduating and became a seamstress. She worked as a seamstress until she retired.
· Married Frank Kenniston, two sons: Phil and Robert Paul
· Ruben lived with Alice and Frank for a while before going into the Army.
(Interview March 2012--Alice proudly told me she was 93!)
2 Pedro 1922-2002; born in Sonora, Mexico, died in Bullhead City, AZ, USA; also known as Peter/Pete;
Was serving in the Army in Europe at the time of Ruben's death.
Married Marguerite Annie Colli; also known in the family as Mugs, "Our Italian beauty"--according to Ruben's niece Patricia Salazar (2012)
Was serving in the Army in Europe at the time of Ruben's death.
Married Marguerite Annie Colli; also known in the family as Mugs, "Our Italian beauty"--according to Ruben's niece Patricia Salazar (2012)
3 Isabelle 1923-living; born in Santa Monica, CA, USA; living in CA, USA; sibling closest to Ruben--chronologically and emotionally
In-between jobs in Jerome, Pedro took the family to Santa Monica where Isabelle was born. But, there was not enough work, especially for a miner. They went back to Jerome and stayed until 1936.
Attended San Diego's Memorial Junior High, then San Diego High School.
Worked for Los Angeles Unified School District as a community outreach worker, usually regarding student truancies
Married Luis DeLaTorre, one son: Richard
Married Manuel G Franco, two daughters: Gloria Irene (Glorene) and Patricia
In-between jobs in Jerome, Pedro took the family to Santa Monica where Isabelle was born. But, there was not enough work, especially for a miner. They went back to Jerome and stayed until 1936.
Attended San Diego's Memorial Junior High, then San Diego High School.
Worked for Los Angeles Unified School District as a community outreach worker, usually regarding student truancies
Married Luis DeLaTorre, one son: Richard
Married Manuel G Franco, two daughters: Gloria Irene (Glorene) and Patricia
4 Ruben 1924-1944; born in Jerome, AZ, USA; died in Normandy, France; buried in the American Cemetery in Normandy as per his father's wishes.
He was buried twice: at first in a temporary graveyard, then moved after the war to the newly established military American Cemetery, then and currently maintained by the US armed services.
Born in Jerome AZ's United Verde Hospital #3 which was opened in 1922 and closed in 1926
Attended Memorial Junior High, grades 7-9, in San Diego, then 1939-1941, grades 10-11, San Diego High School
According to Rose who was six years younger, Ruben was a quiet boy.
According to Isabelle who was one year older than Ruben, Ruben was quite social. He had lots of friends. As he got older, he liked several girls, but one became special to him. He would talk with her a lot at school and in the neighborhood; he would go over to her house and talk over the fence with her with her parents' approval.
Ruben loved his bicycle. He and his friends spent hours riding and fixing their bikes. Isabelle told me that Ruben converted a shed in their San Diego back yard into his own bicycle workshop. Ruben kept all his bike parts and tools there with a lock on the door to keep everyone else out.
When his friends came over, they all headed to the shed and worked on their bikes together. It was the most important thing to Ruben. He and his friends would go riding for hours.
One time Ruben was told to stay home by his mom. He didn't. Later, Mom was still so very angry with him that she took a kitchen knife to the yard and slashed his bicycle tire so it was unusable. Ruben was almost inconsolable when he found it. His brothers and sisters were very angry with Mom for doing it. But, Isabelle says Ruben learned his lesson. If Mom said to stay home, he did.
Bob added that Ruben had a paper route to help make money before he was old enough for a regular job.
Ruben did not finish high school, he left to work full-time and help the family. The depression was ending, but money was still very tight. (Interviews March and May 2012)
Ruben was a small guy. His enlistment paperwork shows him to be 5'3" and 102 pounds.
I believe he was probably closer to 125 pounds by the time he finished his military training. Being a paratrooper, he needed to carry around 100 pounds of equipment. I am sure he put on a lot of muscle during boot camp and subsequent training. But, that is my guess, not established fact.
He was buried twice: at first in a temporary graveyard, then moved after the war to the newly established military American Cemetery, then and currently maintained by the US armed services.
Born in Jerome AZ's United Verde Hospital #3 which was opened in 1922 and closed in 1926
Attended Memorial Junior High, grades 7-9, in San Diego, then 1939-1941, grades 10-11, San Diego High School
According to Rose who was six years younger, Ruben was a quiet boy.
According to Isabelle who was one year older than Ruben, Ruben was quite social. He had lots of friends. As he got older, he liked several girls, but one became special to him. He would talk with her a lot at school and in the neighborhood; he would go over to her house and talk over the fence with her with her parents' approval.
Ruben loved his bicycle. He and his friends spent hours riding and fixing their bikes. Isabelle told me that Ruben converted a shed in their San Diego back yard into his own bicycle workshop. Ruben kept all his bike parts and tools there with a lock on the door to keep everyone else out.
When his friends came over, they all headed to the shed and worked on their bikes together. It was the most important thing to Ruben. He and his friends would go riding for hours.
One time Ruben was told to stay home by his mom. He didn't. Later, Mom was still so very angry with him that she took a kitchen knife to the yard and slashed his bicycle tire so it was unusable. Ruben was almost inconsolable when he found it. His brothers and sisters were very angry with Mom for doing it. But, Isabelle says Ruben learned his lesson. If Mom said to stay home, he did.
Bob added that Ruben had a paper route to help make money before he was old enough for a regular job.
Ruben did not finish high school, he left to work full-time and help the family. The depression was ending, but money was still very tight. (Interviews March and May 2012)
Ruben was a small guy. His enlistment paperwork shows him to be 5'3" and 102 pounds.
I believe he was probably closer to 125 pounds by the time he finished his military training. Being a paratrooper, he needed to carry around 100 pounds of equipment. I am sure he put on a lot of muscle during boot camp and subsequent training. But, that is my guess, not established fact.
5 Avelina 1926-living; born in Jerome, AZ, USA; living in CA, USA; also known as Lena
Born in United Verde Hospital #4 which was opened in 1927, closed in 1950
· Attended San Diego High School
· Married Kenneth Van Hulla
· Married Morris Welch; 3 daughters: Christina, Kitty, Penny
Born in United Verde Hospital #4 which was opened in 1927, closed in 1950
· Attended San Diego High School
· Married Kenneth Van Hulla
· Married Morris Welch; 3 daughters: Christina, Kitty, Penny
6 Elma Eva Delia 1928-living; born in Jerome, AZ, USA; living in CA, USA; also known as Elma and Eva
· Graduated from San Diego High School
· Became a registered nurse
· Graduated from San Diego State University
· Married Robert Marfini, also known as Marfin; 2 sons: Anthony, David; 2 daughters: Monica, Suzanne
· Graduated from San Diego High School
· Became a registered nurse
· Graduated from San Diego State University
· Married Robert Marfini, also known as Marfin; 2 sons: Anthony, David; 2 daughters: Monica, Suzanne
7 Rosa Blanca Lilia 1930-living; born in Jerome, AZ, USA; living in CA, USA; English translation of her name is Lily White Rose, which she proudly told me; also known as Rose
· Graduated from San Diego High School;
As a teenager, she worked at the Victory Theater, down the street from home on Imperial Avenue · Rose remembers when the Japanese internment happened in San Diego. They had neighbors who were Japanese. One day, a truck pulled up to those houses and emptied them. She never saw those neighbors again. (Interview March 2012)
· Rose was a little spitfire in high school. She says that her grades were not good because she was busy with her friends--I promised not to look for her transcript--the dreaded "permanent record" which is in the SDHS Alumni office!
· Rose remembers hanging out with many different people. She thoroughly enjoyed high school. But, instead of going to many school dances, she and her friends went to the El Cortez Hotel where they featured big bands; she particularly liked one skinny Italian singer who performed there--Frank Sinatra. That was before he got to be a "Big Name."
· Attended college, nursing school; became a nurse--LVN
In the 1970s, Rose was trained to help prevent AIDS and worked with AIDS patients and others in street outreach
· Married Augustine Carrillo; one son John
· Married Victor Salazar; 2 sons: Michael, Victor; 1 daughter: Patricia (This is Ruben's niece who helped me meet the others in their family)
(Interview March 2012)
· Graduated from San Diego High School;
As a teenager, she worked at the Victory Theater, down the street from home on Imperial Avenue · Rose remembers when the Japanese internment happened in San Diego. They had neighbors who were Japanese. One day, a truck pulled up to those houses and emptied them. She never saw those neighbors again. (Interview March 2012)
· Rose was a little spitfire in high school. She says that her grades were not good because she was busy with her friends--I promised not to look for her transcript--the dreaded "permanent record" which is in the SDHS Alumni office!
· Rose remembers hanging out with many different people. She thoroughly enjoyed high school. But, instead of going to many school dances, she and her friends went to the El Cortez Hotel where they featured big bands; she particularly liked one skinny Italian singer who performed there--Frank Sinatra. That was before he got to be a "Big Name."
· Attended college, nursing school; became a nurse--LVN
In the 1970s, Rose was trained to help prevent AIDS and worked with AIDS patients and others in street outreach
· Married Augustine Carrillo; one son John
· Married Victor Salazar; 2 sons: Michael, Victor; 1 daughter: Patricia (This is Ruben's niece who helped me meet the others in their family)
(Interview March 2012)
8 Roberto Ruiz 1934-living; born in CA, USA; living in CA, USA; also known as Robert/Bobby/Bob
· Graduated from San Diego High School and San Diego State College
· Married Minerva M Ruiz; 2 sons: Andrew, Christopher; 1 daughter: Elizabeth
· Bob was on the wrestling team at SDHS. He said he was too small to be really a good wrestler, but he enjoyed it. He continued to grow to his full adult height through college. He's a bigger guy than Ruben.
· Bob studied illustration and worked as an illustrator for a while. He did not like it when computers started changing how illustrations were done. Before retiring, he worked many other types of jobs, as well.
(Interview March 2012)
· Graduated from San Diego High School and San Diego State College
· Married Minerva M Ruiz; 2 sons: Andrew, Christopher; 1 daughter: Elizabeth
· Bob was on the wrestling team at SDHS. He said he was too small to be really a good wrestler, but he enjoyed it. He continued to grow to his full adult height through college. He's a bigger guy than Ruben.
· Bob studied illustration and worked as an illustrator for a while. He did not like it when computers started changing how illustrations were done. Before retiring, he worked many other types of jobs, as well.
(Interview March 2012)
9 Sylvia Carolina 1940-living; born in CA, USA; living in CA, USA
· Graduated from Manual Arts High School in Los Angeles, CA; graduated from Santa Clara University;
· Became a nun. After leaving the convent, Sylvia worked for the City of San Jose and the City of San Francisco in their Worker's Compensation departments. She works part-time for the University of Chicago doing in-home surveys.
· Graduated from Manual Arts High School in Los Angeles, CA; graduated from Santa Clara University;
· Became a nun. After leaving the convent, Sylvia worked for the City of San Jose and the City of San Francisco in their Worker's Compensation departments. She works part-time for the University of Chicago doing in-home surveys.
Meet Ruben's sibs Alice, Bobby, Rose and niece Patricia
Ruben's oldest sister, youngest brother, younger sister, and niece met with Tiffany in San Diego, CA, at oldest sister Alica's home, April 2012.
Generations and Education
From our interviews, it is clear that the Tellez family values education--formal and informal. In the generation since Ruben and his siblings, graduating high school was an expectation--not an option. Every child of Ruben's siblings was expected to not only finish high school, but to attend college or another form of additional training/learning.
Several of Ruben's nephews/nieces graduated from Stanford. Nieces and nephews went on to law, medical, writing, military, business and other careers. Some nieces spent time at home with children. Everyone worked--Pedro would like that.
The family's expectation of success was passed down through the generations. It is being passed down still today. (Interview March 2012)
Several of Ruben's nephews/nieces graduated from Stanford. Nieces and nephews went on to law, medical, writing, military, business and other careers. Some nieces spent time at home with children. Everyone worked--Pedro would like that.
The family's expectation of success was passed down through the generations. It is being passed down still today. (Interview March 2012)
Los Angeles Times, newspaper article with Ruben's niece, Patricia Salazar July 23, 2010
http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jul/23/local/la-me-tobar-20100723
An Army mom's inner conflict
A onetime student radical who opposes the wars can't bring herself to protest, out of loyalty to her soldier son, who has served in Iraq and is headed to Afghanistan.
July 23, 2010| by Hector Tobar
Forty years ago, Patricia Salazar marched and shouted on the streets of L.A. against the Vietnam War.
Today, she would very much like to protest the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. But she won't. Not as long as her son is wearing the uniform of the U.S. Army.
"I don't believe in this war," Salazar told me in her Cypress home. "I would take to the streets.… But I can't do that. It would almost feel like I'm betraying my son."
There are many moms like Salazar across the United States. Women torn between the loyalty and love they feel for their children and their anger at what's happening in those faraway places where Americans are dying in combat.
"It's a conflict I live with every day," she said.
Salazar contacted me this month not to protest the war but to comment on a strange confluence of events that got her thinking about and seeing America as it really is.
Next month is the 40th anniversary of the Chicano Moratorium, the antiwar movement that climaxed with a big Eastside rally on Aug. 29, 1970. My columns on the moratorium got Salazar reminiscing: She was there that day, marching on Whittier Boulevard alongside a younger brother then reaching draft age.
Now her 31-year-old son is preparing to head off to Afghanistan. Saying goodbye to him will be her own private drama, in a country that seems not to care one way or another about being at war.
"It's almost as if we're resigned to the horrors of war," she wrote. "As I sat and read your columns, I wondered, 'What was it all for?' "
These days, in America, we fight our wars by a kind of remote control. Our political leaders only reluctantly debate the full human and financial toll. Afghanistan and Iraq are far away, and it takes some effort to remember that people are dying there in our country's name.
Forty years ago, it was different, Salazar told me. College students and senior citizens, pacifists and a pro-war "silent majority" all argued over the war. Every family seemed touched by the conflict. It was on TV every night. Images of soldiers' funerals were inescapable.
Now it feels to Salazar as if the Americans fighting the war, and the people who love them, are living in a separate country.
She had to lobby her church congregation to include a prayer for the troops in the weekly Mass. She's endured listening to young people call our servicemen "losers."
And not long ago she was in a local shopping center parking lot when a man who might have been Middle Eastern approached her car after spotting her "Army Mom" bumper sticker. "Your son is killing my relatives," he said.
Doing her best to contain her anger, she answered: "I'll pray for you."
The Patricia Salazar who grew up in 1960s San Diego and became a student radical would never have dreamed of finding herself in such a position.
She was 20 when she drove to L.A. for the Chicano Moratorium with several friends who called themselves Brown Berets. Even then, war and sacrifice were not abstract notions for her.
Her uncle Ruben Tellez was killed while parachuting into Normandy during World War II. His death, she told me, left a deep emotional wound in his brothers and sisters, including Rose Tellez, Salazar's mother.
"It's been over 60 years, but you'd think that he died last week," said Salazar, who now is the family "custodian" of her uncle's Purple Heart. "They celebrate his birthday every year. They can talk about him in a lighthearted way and then start choking up."
When Vietnam rolled around, six young men from Salazar's Catholic school went off to war. "Only two came back," she said. Salazar wrote letters to several of the soldiers, including Jesse Gomez, known to neighborhood friends as "Frog."
"He'd write about the absurdities," she said. "When he died, it hit me the hardest." If World War II was her mother's war, she decided, Vietnam was "my war."
"I had three younger brothers who were reaching draft age," she said. "The war had to stop."
The day of the Chicano Moratorium began with hope. "There were so many different kinds of people marching," Salazar told me. "Old people, young people, Asians, blacks and whites."
Then sheriff's deputies broke up the post-march rally. In the mayhem she was separated from her 16-year-old brother. She bluffed her way past police lines to find him.
"It all feels like it happened yesterday," she said.
Salazar would later move on to jobs in the nonprofit and corporate worlds, at a women's shelter and as a human-resources manager. The Tellez-Salazar family saw more wars. Her brother, novelist Michael Salazar, served in the first Gulf War.
Her son Joseph Sepulveda joined the Army and left for a 15-month deployment in Iraq in 2006.
"Mom, it's not my fate to die in Iraq," he told her as he left. "So don't worry about me." But of course she did. Among other things, she and the other parents of his unit raised thousands of dollars to replace their children's obsolete equipment.
"I never got a good night's sleep his entire deployment," Salazar said. "There's a physical stress you carry because I gave birth to him."
Now another deployment looms for Sepulveda, who is married and a father of three, and for his family and the others in his unit.
We should all remember and reflect on the quiet trials of these American families. We should both honor their service and relentlessly question whether our country should continue to demand their sacrifice.
Patricia Salazar also wants us to protest — even though she won't join in any marches.
"I know how to end all wars," she told me with a wry, melancholy smile. "Make everyone who has to go to war get a note from their mother first. Because no mother would write that note."
[email protected]
An Army mom's inner conflict
A onetime student radical who opposes the wars can't bring herself to protest, out of loyalty to her soldier son, who has served in Iraq and is headed to Afghanistan.
July 23, 2010| by Hector Tobar
Forty years ago, Patricia Salazar marched and shouted on the streets of L.A. against the Vietnam War.
Today, she would very much like to protest the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. But she won't. Not as long as her son is wearing the uniform of the U.S. Army.
"I don't believe in this war," Salazar told me in her Cypress home. "I would take to the streets.… But I can't do that. It would almost feel like I'm betraying my son."
There are many moms like Salazar across the United States. Women torn between the loyalty and love they feel for their children and their anger at what's happening in those faraway places where Americans are dying in combat.
"It's a conflict I live with every day," she said.
Salazar contacted me this month not to protest the war but to comment on a strange confluence of events that got her thinking about and seeing America as it really is.
Next month is the 40th anniversary of the Chicano Moratorium, the antiwar movement that climaxed with a big Eastside rally on Aug. 29, 1970. My columns on the moratorium got Salazar reminiscing: She was there that day, marching on Whittier Boulevard alongside a younger brother then reaching draft age.
Now her 31-year-old son is preparing to head off to Afghanistan. Saying goodbye to him will be her own private drama, in a country that seems not to care one way or another about being at war.
"It's almost as if we're resigned to the horrors of war," she wrote. "As I sat and read your columns, I wondered, 'What was it all for?' "
These days, in America, we fight our wars by a kind of remote control. Our political leaders only reluctantly debate the full human and financial toll. Afghanistan and Iraq are far away, and it takes some effort to remember that people are dying there in our country's name.
Forty years ago, it was different, Salazar told me. College students and senior citizens, pacifists and a pro-war "silent majority" all argued over the war. Every family seemed touched by the conflict. It was on TV every night. Images of soldiers' funerals were inescapable.
Now it feels to Salazar as if the Americans fighting the war, and the people who love them, are living in a separate country.
She had to lobby her church congregation to include a prayer for the troops in the weekly Mass. She's endured listening to young people call our servicemen "losers."
And not long ago she was in a local shopping center parking lot when a man who might have been Middle Eastern approached her car after spotting her "Army Mom" bumper sticker. "Your son is killing my relatives," he said.
Doing her best to contain her anger, she answered: "I'll pray for you."
The Patricia Salazar who grew up in 1960s San Diego and became a student radical would never have dreamed of finding herself in such a position.
She was 20 when she drove to L.A. for the Chicano Moratorium with several friends who called themselves Brown Berets. Even then, war and sacrifice were not abstract notions for her.
Her uncle Ruben Tellez was killed while parachuting into Normandy during World War II. His death, she told me, left a deep emotional wound in his brothers and sisters, including Rose Tellez, Salazar's mother.
"It's been over 60 years, but you'd think that he died last week," said Salazar, who now is the family "custodian" of her uncle's Purple Heart. "They celebrate his birthday every year. They can talk about him in a lighthearted way and then start choking up."
When Vietnam rolled around, six young men from Salazar's Catholic school went off to war. "Only two came back," she said. Salazar wrote letters to several of the soldiers, including Jesse Gomez, known to neighborhood friends as "Frog."
"He'd write about the absurdities," she said. "When he died, it hit me the hardest." If World War II was her mother's war, she decided, Vietnam was "my war."
"I had three younger brothers who were reaching draft age," she said. "The war had to stop."
The day of the Chicano Moratorium began with hope. "There were so many different kinds of people marching," Salazar told me. "Old people, young people, Asians, blacks and whites."
Then sheriff's deputies broke up the post-march rally. In the mayhem she was separated from her 16-year-old brother. She bluffed her way past police lines to find him.
"It all feels like it happened yesterday," she said.
Salazar would later move on to jobs in the nonprofit and corporate worlds, at a women's shelter and as a human-resources manager. The Tellez-Salazar family saw more wars. Her brother, novelist Michael Salazar, served in the first Gulf War.
Her son Joseph Sepulveda joined the Army and left for a 15-month deployment in Iraq in 2006.
"Mom, it's not my fate to die in Iraq," he told her as he left. "So don't worry about me." But of course she did. Among other things, she and the other parents of his unit raised thousands of dollars to replace their children's obsolete equipment.
"I never got a good night's sleep his entire deployment," Salazar said. "There's a physical stress you carry because I gave birth to him."
Now another deployment looms for Sepulveda, who is married and a father of three, and for his family and the others in his unit.
We should all remember and reflect on the quiet trials of these American families. We should both honor their service and relentlessly question whether our country should continue to demand their sacrifice.
Patricia Salazar also wants us to protest — even though she won't join in any marches.
"I know how to end all wars," she told me with a wry, melancholy smile. "Make everyone who has to go to war get a note from their mother first. Because no mother would write that note."
[email protected]